Dream big or cry. Let's be honest it could go either way.
05 April, 2018
Hi, beautiful friends old and new,
I've missed you. I hope this biiiiiig bunch of heartfelt words feels like a big hug to you wherever you are in the world. X
So how is life for you? Shivers. Big question that one isn't it? Most of us often answer this with a cheery and slightly high-pitched surface answer of "good, good, how are you?!" This is the comfortable response, quick and shiny. Not too deep. I mean, sure standing in the bakery choosing between the sourdough and light rye maybe isn't quite the time to go super deep and have a mini-counselling session, but then again, maybe it is.
I've been a bit quiet on the old blog and social media front lately. Just taking some time out. Listening and learning lots about myself. It's been wonderful. Wonderful and so so bloody hard. When we agree to go deep and work on ourselves and become more authentic, the result we're going for often doesn't take into account the pain we must endure. Woah mama! It literally does often swing between the tension of dreaming big or crying. So if you ever feel like this, you are not going crazy! I wanted to share a little of my journey over the last eighteen months.
In January of 2017, I began the bold, brave journey of beginning to process a traumatic experience in my life. I won't go into details because I am still on this road, but there are a few things I have been learning that I can share.
It's funny how for years we're quite satisfied to live a certain way or go through life wearing a mask or carrying some kind of burden or pain, then something changes and we suddenly begin to question things. This is what happened to me. I began by questioning my conditioned 'surface responses' in social settings and learning about this false self we often put on to impress others and win their approval. I suddenly realized that so often I was actually 'performing' and not actually being my true self... and that I couldn't wear this mask anymore. And thus I entered the rabbit warren. Deeper and deeper I went. And still going. Woah guys, yep this is as full on as it sounds!
So this past year and a half has been a whoooooolllle lot of BRAVE and learning to be sooooo kind and compassionate to myself along the way. And it continues. I'm asking questions and getting curious. Looking at my fears and beliefs and patterns and disappointments and grieving and processing and learning. Authentic is what I am after here. And so on this road what I’ve been choosing to allow myself to feel is the emotions. To literally feel pain. (And now I know why people medicate and refuse to feel their pain and emotion. Hello, it's way easier!) But pain speaks. And do you know what? The most shocking and delightful thing I have realised as I have become friends with these guys, 'pain and emotion' -- is that I've believed my whole life that they were BAD, when in actual fact they are GOOD, and very often the KEY to our freedom. :)
Maybe you can relate to this wrong thinking?
Pain = bad.
Emotions = not real.
Shove them down at all costs.
Don’t feel them.
Have more faith.
Give them to God.
Why are you still feeling pain? Give it to God again.
On the contrary! Yes God is absolutely my healer and he can do anything, but he also actually gave me the ability to FEEL, he gave us all this huge and beautiful spectrum of emotions, as ways for our bodies and hearts and souls to connect and speak to us, to teach us and to get whole. :) The whole thing is so incredibly beautiful!
However we have been conditioned, from our past experiences and environments, to believe that emotions and pain are bad, and a sign of weakness.
BUT (and here is the clincher)...
Behind every emotion, there is a voice.
A tiny voice trying to speak.
Every negative emotion (anger, rage, fear, anxiety, guilt, shame, disappointment, discouragement...) is simply our hearts trying to say something.
That something is not right.
And it’s not bad.
It’s actually so beautiful!
Because it opens a door for us to find our true selves.
Think about it. Every time you get angry, it’s not about the guy who cut you off... it’s wayyyyy deeper.
And every time you feel so rejected or afraid people are going to not like you or leave you, it’s not about the little thing, it’s way deeper.
So instead of shutting it down, year after year, and beating yourself up about it, next time something triggers a deep negative emotion, why not treat yourself so gently and look a little further into it.
Get curious. (Brene Brown's book Rising Strong
is so good to learn all about this!)
Sit in it and be kind to it.
Be kind to yourself.
It’s your precious heart trying to tell you something, like a little kid trying to tell you something is wrong.
Feeling pain is not "not having faith."
I think investigating pain and working on our inner selves is one of the greatest acts of faith ever!
Just think of pain and emotion like little warning bells your heart rings saying “hey beautiful, I’m so sorry, but something isn’t right here and we’re afraid.”
Then it's important we process it with someone.
For me, I chat to the Lord about it and ask him what he's saying. But then I speak to my psychologist to process it with her -- and this has been amazing.
KINDNESS = the quality of being friendly, generous, compassionate and considerate.
We have to be so much kinder to ourselves. On a scale of 1-10 how kind have you been to yourself this week? I'm talking, not judging yourself, not beating yourself up, not being angry at yourself, not hating yourself, just treating yourself with love and compassion and encouraging yourself as you would a good friend.
Heck, the second commandment is "love your neighbour as you love yourself", so in order to love others we need to really and truly be in love with ourselves.
We are responsible for our own lives. We only have the capacity to dream BIG when we are healed and whole. And for me, showing up and being brave and asking questions and getting curious and is the KEY to discovering who I really am.
God has created us all as beautiful unique souls to shine with life and beauty! Not to be held back but to live fully ALIVE. And this means our spirits, hearts, bodies, souls AND minds!
There is NO ONE on this earth like you -- and this world needs what you have inside you.
So if you are facing something, have unprocessed pain, and feel like you need to speak to a counselor, this may be an option for you. It has been for me and it's been life-changing. I find it SO crazy how in Australia there is such a stigma about mental health and therapy... but honestly, talking things through with a professional is one of the best things we can do!!
So this is my journey at the moment. I think I’m actually writing the second half of The Dreams Co. with everything I am learning!
Thank you so much for taking the time to read all the way to the end. You are amazing. X
Each month you get a video from me with and worksheets called Treasure Maps and Treasure Chests, and there is a group Facebook group for extra encouragement. This course was written from the heart with some deep and beautiful spiritual truths and interviews with some of my very best friends, and I’d love to make it available for you. (If you're reading this and you're Dreams Co. Alumni, I am sending you love, and am so proud of you.)
Even in this intense season for me... more than ever, I believe this to be true => our TRUE SELVES are found in our childhood.
Take care of yourself beauty, and ask yourself this question I always ask myself throughout the day:
"What's the kindest thing I can do for myself in this moment?"
Have a gorgeous day.
With so much love,
Images via: 1, 2=Kimberley Wiens (source unknown), 3